Again, Surrender

Again, Surrender

I thought I did this

       yesterday.

    Why am I fighting

       again?

I wish the war was over,

          and You

             were Victor.

I long for

    life to be battle-free,

           peace to reign,

                my heart to lie still.

But today,

       I feel like a two-year-old,

          thrashing on the floor

             to get her way.

        Or a belligerent teenager,

                lip curled,

          head held defiantly.

    I want to plan my own life,

           and dream my own dreams.

       I don't want to sacrifice time

             to serve others.

          I don't want to yield

                               to Anyone.

But when I forge my own path,

       fight my own battles,

                         I find disaster.

          My stomach is tied in knots;

             sleep refuses to come.

       I can't live in warfare.

    I crave peace

                      more than life itself.

So again,

    I wave the white flag,

          surrender,

                yield,

       to the Lord of the universe,

             Captain of my Soul.

    Not my will,

             but Yours,

       be done.

I wrote this poem some time ago, during a specific time that I needed to surrender my will to God's.

I've been thinking a lot about surrender recently. About the time I think I'm surrendered, that I'm willing to do whatever God asks, something else comes up to show me that I'm still trying to control my own life. 

Some days I think that I'm the only one that needs to give up their will. It looks like others always have their life go well, that they never have to yield their own plans and wishes - like I do. 

Of course that is not true. Surrender is part of life for everyone who follows Christ. 

In the last few weeks, I've had conversations with several women. The specific details vary. One lady may be struggling with singleness, another with a difficult marriage. One woman may long for children, while another struggles to accept an unexpected pregnancy. Whether it is finances, health issues, parenting challenges, church difficulties - every lady who I've broached this subject has something in their life that they struggle to accept. There are things that they would love to change. A desire, longing, or plan they need to surrender. A circumstance, calling, or responsibility that they need to accept and embrace.  

I may not always be able to choose my life circumstances but I can choose my response. More than anything else, I want to respond like Mary. "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." (Luke 1:38)

Hebrew 11 lists men and women of great faith. Reading over the list I find that their faith is shown by their surrender of their will. Noah built an ark. Abraham moved to a strange country then willing gave up his promised son. Moses confronted Pharaoh. Rahab put a scarlet thread in her window. Gideon sent most of his army home.

None of these people did the logical steps to success. But they had the faith to beleve that God was worthy of their trust and obedience.

Right after the list in Hebrews 11 comes Heb 12:1-2 "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Maybe my real problem is that I take my eyes off of Jesus and onto me. 

"The present circumstance, which presses so hard against you, if surrendered to Christ is the beast shaped tool in the Father's hand to chisel you for eternity. Trust Him, then. Do not push away the instrument lest you lose its work." Author unknown