Passing the Blame

I was in a frantic scramble to turn apples into sauce before any more rotted. The clock was ticking, my time limited, each movement needed to count.

A row of jars stood on the counter awaiting lids. As I stretched to reached over the jars, somehow one toppled. Applesauce splashed across the counter, down my dress, dripping to the floor.

I looked quickly for broken glass and grabbed a towel to stop further mess. While grateful to find the jar unbroken, I found myself looking around in irritation.

But I was alone. No one was in the kitchen but me. With shock, I realized I was searching for someone to blame. I shuddered to think what words would have escaped my mouth if the usual bevy of children would have been at my elbow. This time, there was nothing but my own klutz to blame. But how often do I lash out at my helpers when an accidents happen?

For the next several hours, while washing apples, stirring pots, squeezing sauce, scrubbing pans, I had much to consider. Do I always blame others in times of difficulty, big or small? The reaction is as old as our Grandmother Eve. It is the children You gave me. Or my husband. Or the house, the weather, my back, the economy, her, him, them...endless the things/people/circumstances at the brunt of my anger.

What if I turned the finger inward? If I said, "I have sinned. I was impatient. I spoke unkindly. I knocked over the jar. Please forgive me." Would my heart then be lighter, the burden lifted?

After writing about some of my hard days and hearing so many of you say "me too," gives me courage to share more of my journey. My first reaction is to make a list, do more, fix it. But I'm taking Jesalynn's suggestion to focus on the needful thing - sitting at the feet of Jesus.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I quit cooking, cleaning, and laundry! It does mean that my first goal (well, goals!) is to get to bed earlier, wake up earlier, and start my day in the Word of God first. Very obvious elementary goals, but some days they feel completely impossible. I despise getting up early, though once I'm up and going, I love how it sets the tone for the day. I tend to do well for a little while, then slump back into a desperate morning scramble.

But if I want to quit blaming other circumstances, and start working with the person who I can change, I think this is where I need to start.